Izzy ☺
Female ♀ & Turning 17 ,
Muhammad Hairil Bin Samsuri ♥
PEPS Class of 05'
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Current student in ITE CW
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make me a hot chocolate with marshmallow in it.
and, can i have someone sitting next to me,
hugging me and just tell me that today is one of those bad days.
Eh fuck eh.
You put me in track or not, its still the same sia!
Eh, please eh, if you want me to run so much, then, prolly, you should be the one who is running uh!
So what if right now im active in dancing?
Didnt i promise i'll stop after april.
Which part of it dont you understand?
Eh cmon eh, if the reason why you didnt want me to participate in any dance,
is because you are ashame your daughter is in tarian,
then you can bloody tell me, and bloody inform my school plus everyone who knows that im in dancing, that you dont bloody want me to participate in the bloody dance!
Eh mister Osman, listen up eh.
Your wife was the one who ask me to take up malay dance in yusof ishak sec.
So dont bloody say that i chooce malay dance.
Fuck sial!
Eh, listen up eh, i know my mistakes.
I learn from it. But the bloody issues you're giving me is all link to each other.
Oi, i am not that stupid or dumb to act like that again eh.
CB UH. tolong uh, you put me in a school to learn things.
After learning the skills in dance, you're just gonna ask me stop dancing?
You should make things clear for me mister!
CB.
Eh, anak lelaki kau la yang kau patut kisah.
Look at what he has become now?
Where's his money?
Where's his promise of giving 20 % of his salary to you and mom?
Eh, atleast, ATLEAST, im trying my best here to pass my O's, to get into poly.
Eh, suroh anak lelaki kau masok poly uhhhh.
CB. KAU SUKE COMPARE KAN?!
COMPARE ME AND YOUR SON EH, WHICH PART OF
" I WANNA GET MY DRIVING LICENCE " involve going out of the house at 6,
and returning back at 2am ? HUH!?
EH, KALAU KAU NAK JAGA AKU BETUL-BETUL,
ANAK LELAKI KAU TU, KAU BETUL KAN DIE DLUR!
I SWEAR I AM DAMN PISSED WITH YOU TODAY SIAL!
OTHER DAYS,I CAN ENDURE YOUR FUCKING NAGGINGS.
BUT TODAY, YOU'RE TOOOOOOO MUCH!
I FEEL LIKE CRYING, I FEEL LIKE SHOUTING, I FEEL LIKE RUNNING AWAY!
STRESSS SIALX!
I NEED TO SMOKE.
EH MAMA, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, READ THIS AGAIN EHH
I WANNNAAAAA SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE.
CB. AKU BELAJAR DARI SUAMI KAU AND ANAK TERSAYANG KAU UNTUK MEROKOK BYTHEWAY!
T_T
all this orations is driving me to my grave.
urgh. im stuck in predicament and seriously, my brain isnt working at all.
have i ever been in this position before?
for God sake, why cant people just be people with no cruel intentions ?
Like i told Ad, "i dont friggin care" , but the fact is, i do care.
Look, everyone has been advising me this and that.
Every conversations kept playing in my mind.
Im getting paranoid over this instead of my grades.
Tell me, what the fcking hell is wrong with me?
i fell because it helps me to learn to get back on my feets.
but, am i gonna let myself fall again?
Now,who should i trust?
SUMPAH CONFUSE!
im totally worn out today.
Yes, very.
Sir was lecturing me through cellphone.
And coach was nagging at the whole dancers for not keeping up to standard.
Im sick and tired of people not playing their part in the dance.
And im very upset with sir.
The first minute, sir is all "oh-you-can-ofcourse-focus-on-your-study" mood.
And the next minute, its the "your-school-is-way-important" mood.
freak.
Okay, whatever.
I am indeed pissed just now.
Look, you're not the only one who is tired.
You're not the only one who is making sacrifices here.
What about me? Didnt you think i sacrifice enough for this competition, huh?
im missing other trainings when actually ,its a must for me to be there.
i dont get it.
if this is the way you people "trained hard" for, then excuse me,
count me out of this competition.
I really have been thinking about this everyday.
Its true what coach said, for what dance if there's no heart to it.
Yes, i've come around now that dancing is just an activity which releases my stress.
And although is pretty much a sport, this really isnt the sport that i should pick up .
Next up, Sir, im really sorry, but tell me,
where did your sense go?
Tell me, how old am i?
how old are they?
Stop comparing me with them will you?
Yes, i want to be like them too, with scholars too okay.
If i dont put all my attention to my studies now,i dont even think i'll graduate.
I dont mind you nagging at me, cause its all worthless.
You dont set the rules here, mister. -.-
you're a pig.
go get a real life. this life of yours isnt meant for you.
My day didnt start out well.
Woke up with a .. dream.
The dream is nice but also sad.
I dreamt of leesya.
When i woke up, my eyes were wet.
I even continue crying when i woke up.
I miss leesya.
I dwelled for her for almost 2 months.
Its good that im back on my feets now.
Atleast i have my sense back.
Ajeyfam was chatting with me under Andy's account and they were cheering me up.
Honestly, i miss each and every moment with her.
I miss her so badly.
Speaking of missing, i miss ein too.
There is a huge gap in between us.
What i wrote above isnt as important as this.
Cause, im hoping that she'll read this.
Everyday,I wonder how is she.
Its been ...(1 ? 3? 8? 16? 52? ) days since i last talk to her.
I miss the laughs. I miss talking in class.
I miss gossiping, i miss telling each other's dirt.
I miss you.
I saw her having dance training yesterday and i reminded myself memories of us.
Guess we're just busy now that our time are just occupied with other stuff.
I am just happy that she have friends who'll stick by her through thick and thin.
Although she's not always there for me when i need her,
when we pass each other and with one glance from her, she knows when im feeling down.
Every hug means a lot to me.
I miss her. I miss leesya.
Come back please.
Thanks ajeyfam babys for making me feel a whole lot better.
READ TILL THE END.
MY SUICIDE LETTER
Im writting this letter for the 8th time now.
I dont know what to say right now.
The headings says it all.
Im jumping off the overhead bridge after i write this letter.
The wind that passes my cheeks are calming me down.
I thank everyone for everything.
i thank all those people who made my life a great one.
i'll remember you, forever.
------------------- ( cut here 8< )----------------------
im being random right now.
Sir Andrew gave me a surprise call.
Rushed to NUH, Andy super funny ehhh.
Reached sss, Andy still have the cheeks to say " so, who's making me breakfast?"
I pretended to sleep in Reza's dorm so he wont ask me any favour ^^,
Sir came in with a plate of toast.
While laying down, i could feel a load on the bed next to me,
guess what, when i opened my eyes, Andy was laying next to me and was staring at me (-.-)
Both of us freaked out and switch direction.
Oh, and i did taste the toast sir made. Nice.
Malay remedial kinda suck.
Cg Azizah was getting paranoid with us.
She said she doesnt have to nag at us because its our choice to do well or not.
But in the end, she nagged at us.
And she continue nagging at me cause i didnt bring any papers.
Well, what can i say? I had to run here and there.
Do you ever think I have the time to really bring all my homeworks back to school?
Its good enough i made an effort to drop to school for remedial.
I could have absent myself and continue with training.
But its otherwise okay! I came to school early in the morning just for your lesson.
I had to face discriminations by my SMs eh saying that i prior school more.
And you, you said i prior my other activities more. (WTH?!)
Okay, getting out of the story. I dont want to post all my sorrows in this post.
GRRRRR. but i am pissed.
after mt remedial, went out to meet Khairi. Had sushi, nice.
Walked to westmall from school and walked back to school from westmall.
Everyone knows im easily distracted by things infront of me .
Not For Khairi i guess? So he's kinda like new to it.
Was pissed off so i decided to just shut up.
Oh yea, before he post , i want to mention this first,
I changed the pronounciation of Toa pa yoh to Tapayoh.
OMFG, classic sia! He spotted the mistake and i was laughing like hell.
He went off to friday prayers .
guess what, ? dance training stated that it'll start at 2pm.
I arrived school at 1.20pm and i thought to myself that being 40 minutes early was okay.
3 minutes later ( i guess(?) , cs i sat down,texted Ad and starte to feel bored) ,
i went to the staff room to get the radio, biscuit tin and attendance book.
I dont know why i had the initiative to do so.
Besides, i miss that job. Being the head.( nyahahahahaha )
i was getting hyper when the my watch shows 01:58 pm.
guess what? 4 girls came in at 2.40pm.
The rest came after that which is at 2.50pm, going to 3pm.
I was F-in pissed okay.
The thing that shocked me was, the juniors came before the seniors.
And the horrifying thing is, note this , HORRIFYING,
the leader came in later then the seniors.
I dont know what else to say.
I have no rights to say things or even nagged at them.
I just had to remind them that SYF is less than a month.
A few dancers were absent, and i dont get it why.
Im not bragging , but, if i can make it for almost all my activites or classes, why not them?
why do they complain that they have classes earlier and are tired.
Cmon eh, Im just like you but the different part is, i dont complain.
And there's a word for it, endurance.
Anyway, its everyone's responsibility to manage their own time.
Okay, im blogging too far.
Okaykay,I was damn piss off today that i took all my anger out to mama.
Im sorry. utterly.
i feel so guilty.
I said i was sorry and used the reason "menses" to cover up the way i acted earlier.
And she said she understand. HENG UHHHHH.
okay, right now, im piss with my dad.
He doesnt give me clear instructions for tomorrow.
He said if he doesnt reach home by 8.30 tomorrow, i'll have to go school on my own.
WHATTHEFUCK? and im like gonna be late or lesson uh?
KNN! and he's nagging at me. saying i used the computer for too long alr.
eh pig, i used the computer at 9 sialxz. lu sua kenaper?
CB.
by the way, Izwan, i was being random la!
wahlauweyyyy.
whot he hell is gonna risk her life just because she had a bad day?
It was suppose to mean that bye bye bad day today. GET IT?
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
hari ni best giler rabak.
( okay, jap, best giler ker best rabak? )
okay, hari ni, Andy dare zye untuk bboal cam gini.
cam minah- minah uhq.
Tady zye bangun at 6. Tapy zye sampai kallang basin lambat.
Zye msg Andy sroh tunngu but Andy ckp dier fetch zye at marsiling.
Wen dah sampai saner, sume nengok izzie uhq. Uhm, Theresa cakap zye star terkarat.
Cb kan dier? Tapy, sume hapy zye datang uhq.
Tak buleyh deny uhq, budak-budak dragonboat muscular-muscular.
Zye kayak for 5 mins then ader blister pat tangan zye.
Pas tu zye ddok pat tepi nengok diorang kayak.
CUT! ANDY, I CANT DO THIS. I MUST SPEAK ENGLISH
So here's my post.
Woke up at 6 today but i reached kallang basin later then everyone else.
Theresa said i was "star terkarat" which means the most rusty star(?),
Everyone was happy that i was there for today's activity.
I missed almost all the activities due to school remedial and dance training.
Altough my interest at heart is sports and not dancing, i still feel that i have to be there for upcoming dance comp.
Anyway, kayaked for 5 mins and i have blister on my finger (no idea).
So, i pulled off and stay on shore.
i witness my lowerclass capsized.
She screamed on top of her lungs and fell out of the kayak.
Not only that, she caused her partner to fall inside the water.
Everyone was asking her if she is okay.
Well you know, we are scared for some horror things to happen.
And guess what her reason was "there was a bug on my leg, i was grossed"
Awesome!
It lasted for 3 hours i think?
Everyone headed back to sss except for me, Andy, Theresa and Reza.
We headed to haig road for our lunch.
after a full stomach, headed back to sss.
SUPRISINGLY, they had a surprise for me.
Which caused my life. Thanks alot everyone.
I was thrown in the pool.
Everything was wet.
I had to use mandy's towel,clothing, undergarments and even deodarant eh!
Oh yea, i forget to precise myself, when i say wet, even my PAD WAS WET!
WKNNCBS!
after the dramatic scene ( -__- )
SALs,TLs and OMs had meeting.
We had to plan for next week cum victory night.
Victory night for this batch will be so awesome.
Its gonna be held at East Coast. Gerek kan?
TLs planned to have the relay run of all the various TLs holding a burning torch.
Last leg will be OIC
this is for opening ceremony lah.
They're gonna have tug of war or whatever the name is ,
barbeque, sing-a-long, pledging, reading out memorable time, etc.
i told them i couldnt make it that night
and they gave me "the we-dont-have-to-ask-why" look.
grrr.
Okay, headed home and jengg jengg jenggggg.
Another issue.
Fai, i think its time for you to get married.
Okay people, i have school tomorrow.
Gonna meet sunshine tomorow.
okay,Im out!
aweesome.
i've unblock my blog. HAHH.
its been a while since i last update my blog.
anyway, life is just awesome right now.
i have entertainers, like sarah said.
woohoooo. i believe that the past should remain as the past.
im in love with this song like seriously.
its as if this song speaks for me.
honestly, i dont friggin care what people are gonna say.
here's the thing, people can and people do change.
i dont care if khairi is gonna change after a few months.
i prefer to observe things rather to get into conclusion.
i rather have people saying things now and having silence later.
im not an angel who can change him to be a perfect boyfriend material type.
and no one is ever gonna tell me who's good for me and who isnt.
If you think im stupid, that makes you dumb.
Why care for other people when you can take care of your own mess-up life?
True?
Now get this straight. Be it, So what if i fall for him?
Like i said earlier, i dont need any disapproval from anyone for who i can befriend with.
It doesnt even makes any diffrence in your life, does it?
If khairi is just turning me into a fool, then i dont mind.
i wont even dwell if that happen.
Its part of life.
Its the whole "taking an emotional risk" thing i mention in one of my post in jan/feb(?)
a friend told me, " you know what makes you, you? maturity "
Thank you Reza.
Im sorry khairi if this post pokes a needle in your chest.
Its the fact. Even if i did hurt you, i didnt do it intentionally.
im not against you.
Somehow, its the only way to get facts through this doofus minds.
And in a way, get you out of your misery too.
-------------------------- (cut here 8<) ------------------------------------
oh yes, i missed chemistry remedial.
im utterly sorry , Chow.
had lunch with Khairi today.
intended to have lunch at McD but it was pack so headed to KFC.
met sarah at 6 and headed home.
" do you want the chocolate? "
" dont disturb me, im happy with my ice "
i think thats funny.
okayy.
"uncle one milo peng, the milo dont need the cup uhh, just give me the water"
"or jst put at the table liddat uhhh"
siaaaaaaaaalxz funneh sia.
"uncle gimmie one baaaKUA, alot alot uhhhh"
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
You know that feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster for the first time?
Or you're going too high on a swing?
Or you hit some certain bumps on the road and your stomach kinda flips?
That's the way I feel when im around you. not all the time, but there's those times when you look at me, or you'll hold me, and i can't even explain it , but that's what i feel.
[c=7]ND, your friend[/c] says:
you should like wait for the man who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
[c=7]ND, your friend[/c] says:
or wait for the man who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. And the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you.
[c=7]ND, your friend[/c] says:
but also find the one who turns to his friends and says, 'thats her'
Andy, dont worry. this boy know what he is doing.
But then, thinking about it,i wanna be the girl that he talks to his friends about, i wanna be the girl that always comes first, i wanna be the girl he never wants to leave alone, i wanna be the girl who's hand he's holding, i wanna be the girl he looks at and smiles and then says to his friends, "that's her, she's the one."
It feels like im stuck in the best fairytale in the world, or like im having the best dream that i could ever imagine,but im just so scared that im gonna wake up from the dream and maybe everything will just be all gone.
okay, lets go
Labels: lovesick
When I'm not there, do you think of me?
When you're sad and something's bothering you, do you wish I were there to help comfort you?
When you've had a long hard day, do you smile ;
knowing that soon you'll be seeing me, and everything will seem better, even if it's just for a moment?
When you lay down at night, do you look back and cherish the new memories you've made with me?
And when you get up in the morning, does everything inside of you smile, knowing that this will be another day that we'll be together?
because, that's exactly how I think of you.
today is wednesday, wait, my pathetic wednesday.
tore my lens in the morning, so i was like fxck and used grey lens.
Anyway, speaking of wednesday, 4 more days to my camp.
Im so gonna miss everyone but i dont think so anyone will miss me.
Everyone seems kinda happy that i wont be in school for 3 weeks.
Suker kan?
Anyway, Andy, whatever, i forgive you.
But i wont forget about it.
I forgive you for the sake of camp.
For the sake that im under you.
For the sake that you're my STL and im your SAL.
Behave yourself uh. -.-
BOO sama kau.
Tc.
Im off to sleep now. early? i know, im tired.
this song speaks for me.
Yes, who i am hates who i've been.
go check out the lyrics.
trust me, i think im better now then two months ago.
camp is in 1 week.
having mixed-emotion about this.
kind of excited for the camp
but then again im gonna miss alot of things in school.
feeling kind of happy yet im worried.
looking foward to it but i wish it didnt clash with school.
*gasp*
ugh, i dont have time for almost everything.
i really need some time management.
Oh yea, sat for math retest today.
That old brat shouted at me outside her class ,
for not attending retest last friday.
i care less about it.
While she was lecturing me, i imagine her without eyebrows.
And it lasted for like 10 minutes.
Anyway,although i was quite worried for the test,
and my reason for skipping test and retest was because,
i was so sure im going to get atleast 0 or 1 ,the most, for the overall marks,
but after browsing through the papers, i just had laugh at myself.
The test was freaking easy.
Okay, mustnt be so egoistic about it.
But seriously, i was smiling all the way.
CUT! , no, though the paper was easy, i dont think i can pass averagely.
I left 3 questions out.
Couldnt do probability, freaking annoying.
Speaking of annoying, im annoyed with my mom.
she's forcing me to have dinner cause its we "late for dinner" .
Okay, im gonna end this post now.
Takecare. *blink an eye*