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Izzy ☺
Female ♀ & Turning 17 ,
Muhammad Hairil Bin Samsuri ♥
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Saturday, February 28 19:19
CB you.
So now you're talking to me huh?
you ask why I say nothing is wrong when really everything is.
you should know whats wrong.
you're my friend, you're making bad decisions and its killing me to see you suffer like you are.
you just never see how what you're doing affects me because you don't care enough to look and see.
Next, you ask if im mad at you?
and that's your main concern after shattering my whole world?
tell me,mad for what?
breaking my heart or for all the lies?
Maybe for letting me put all my trust in you only to be betrayed?
How about the fact you didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face?
Or the way you think it's crazy that I'm crying over it cause to you loosing a friend is no big deal.
So do you think im mad at you?
absolutely no. more like crushed.
did I ever really know you?
everything about you dont matter to me now, you're just being sick.
" i just realise i cant afford to loose you "
bullshit!
well you know what, when you just realise you cant afford to loose me,
you're just dreaming cause actually,
you already lost me the minute you turn away.
someone told me once that i have other good friends.
so, why should i care much for you?
-------------------------- cut >8 ------------------------
ugggggghhhhhhh.
I dont want to fall for this.
really, life was down before this.
i swear, now that my sense is back, im feeling way better than before.
jeez, how can one arm help itself?
im sick and tired of this.
i want let things out, but i dont want to reveal anything personal.
but i want to tell you this.
i know you know who you are.
so here goes,
all i want is to be the girl falling asleep in your arms
and not caring about anything else in the world except how I feel right there with you.
just give me a hug and wipe away my tears.
smile at me and promise that everything will be okay.
sit here and listen,
tell me im fine the way i am cause it always sounds best coming from you.
hug me and say that i dont deserve this because im starting to believe that I do.
please just once be there to steady my shaking hand.
be there to laugh away all my problems.
be there to tell me that it's all going to be okay.
i hope your journey home from johor will be a safe one.
please bless me.
Friday, February 27 16:10
WOA, yesterday was awesomeThank you Andy,Lin,Reza,Dian and everyone that planned yesterday.
You guys are the best of the best.
Im sorry for the harsh text msg.
Thanks for the gift ehhh.
Loving the bear,
Loved the super moist chocolate cake.
And love each and everyone of you, forever and ever.
Bytheway,im touched with K's blog.
Damn how i wish i could express things out.
Told you i wanted to tell you something didnt i?
I will, soon, so dont worry okay.
imy.
received cheques today.
Thanks 4e4s.
sayang all of you many many okayy.
ps: keciq, my super idiotic picture tak perlu showcase yer.
gag
Monday, February 23 20:22
To Rhyee : Yes baby, but temporary only la.To ikayla : Eh you WOMEN. (flashback at McD) ,
To lana : Eh WOMEN, hear this eh, I only lighted ONE cancerstick today, WITH A LIGHTer AND NOT THE GAS IN MY KITCHEN. YOU WOMEN, MAKE ME LAUGH ALONE RIGHT NOW.
To Nicole : Eh lu sua main gila sama wa hor. WKNNBCBLBLS.
and to Shya :
Babe, your post made me cry. I just want to say how deep my love for you is.
I rather loose a lover than a friend. I rather spend my lifetime with friends than a lover who isnt honest with me at all. This isnt new to me. Prolly even the reason why i broke up with him in November. I trusted him so much but he misused it. Im not suprise why we parted. I didnt question myself why i let him go. Yes, i used to love him so much but I guess our lovestory ended way before this and im not even angry at you. There's no reason for me to be angry at you. I love you babe. Honestly.
And to this Kyle :
i never thanked you for always being there for me in time of need.
to tell me whats good and bad.
and to make me realise my right and wrong.
you made a whole lot diffrence in me,
i may have said it, but really you did.
you made sure im okay when im not and im touched.
For showing great concern to me, it really shows how much you care for me.
Yo K. , i thank you for everything.
If you go on to Malaysia on saturday, make sure you bring back a monkey.
Im dying to have one. ^^
I'll wrap things up with this saying "if there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person"
okaygo. night.
Saturday, February 21 22:35
19:22
"pretty like the rose, still your petals are falling slowly"after a while you learn the subtle difference between holding hand and chaining a soul.
and you learn that love doesnt mean leaning and company doesnt always mean security
and you begin to learn that kisses arent contracts and presents arent promises.
And yo begin to accept your defeats woth your head and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman,
not a grieve of a child.
And you learn to bilf all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns id you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure that you really are strong
and u really do have worth
and you learn and you leanr with every g00dbye you learn.
-veronica.
This inspire me.
Sarah said, if leesya doesnt want you to dwell on something that isnt worth dwelling for,
then i shouldnt
i promised Leesy that i will never loose faith.
Sharlin was online and i talked to her.
Its 11pm there.
she said,that day, before Leesy went to sleep.
She said she doesnt want anywant to bring her flowers to her grave cs she wont be there.
But she's flying over to paris cs mom and dad didnt had the time to take her there.
and everyone in the room was laughing.
And it shows that leesy isnt afraid of dying.
She had faith. She was an angel that had brought everyone back together.
And she even typed to me something that leesy wrote to her family member.
"If you cannot live without me, then let me live on in your eyes, your mind, your act of kindness.
Love does not die, people do.
I want to leave you with something, something better than sounds.
Look for me in the people i love, the people i know.
Give me away, cs when all that is left out of me is love, just know that i'll always be there,
whenever you call me.
i'll be there in your darkest night.
and i'll always be there , watching you over the ray of lights. "
Course i did want to cry, but i cant, and i wont.
Im smiling right now to know how much leesy means to me,
and how much she is changing me.
I know whenever the wind embrace my cheeks, you're around me.
Leesya, i know you're with me, although i regret not saying how much i love you.
And i regret that i didnt had the time to thank you for your presence all this while,
i want to say this now, thank you for always believing in me.
Thank you for guiding me through all this pain.
i kn0w i am not alone.
and i know i wasnt hallucinating when sometimes, i see you.
i love you leesya.
Prolly, when good things go, good things come too.
Khairi, for being sucha good friend, i thank you with all my heart.
For lending me your ears in time that i need someone to listen to my sorrow, i thank you.
for your never ending support, thank you.
Even right now, i feel that you're a replacement for leesy.
I know you're gonna be there for me like leesy.
I just know that you're gonna be waiting at the finishing line, waiting for me to end this race.
Thank you.
Sarah, i love you, i know i never say this.
And its really pathetic, you're like a subtitute for leesy too.
For always being there for me, good or worst. thank you.
For knocking my head hard when my sense isnt working, thank you.
For being the best sister, thank you.
Aku sayang kau.
I want to change. for the better.
Believe it or not, im gonna start listening to friends.
Im gonna stop that stupid habit of mine and make sure i live without cancerstick.
I believe i can, so does everyone who believes in me.
OKay, im gonna stop posting now.
To Khairi ; pls dont cry,cheer up
To fiqrie ; dont bully me uh you, i'll make sure you run 10 laps.
To someone, I know now, thank you.
To Amanda, i cant believe you saw me crying in class. dont worry, im gonna be okay.
To Shya ; im S.T-rong. dont worry.
To Wan; im not dwelling. dont worry.Why must i ? Bright future ahead, true.
To xoxo; Ey, i know who you are. you chatted with me randomly today right? Thanks for the advice eh.
To S. ; firstly, where have you been? thanks for dropping by my blog and thanks for the advice babe. imy
Thursday, February 19 20:37
i dont knw why im feeling angry.Not just angry, but i kinda feel some jealousy.
Im a human with feelings.
And i cant run away from that.
Hey, tell me if im making the wrong choice here.
I dont wish to undergo this pain alone anymore.
If you say you're by my side, act like it.
If you say you care for me, show it to me.
I've moved on from my past, dont repeat my history for me.
I dont wish to break down again everyday.
Pls stop hurting me.
Tell me when you're done pretending that you care for me so much.
That guy before you was you, was way better than this guy in you.
Yes, with love, izzie,.
Wednesday, February 18 11:21
i feel f-in retarded at home.
wanted to go to school but dad was nagging like crazy.
imagine 5 in the morning, heading to shower and your dad raised his voice.
pathetic. heeyaaarkdush.
i need to light my cancerstick as soon as dad goes off to work.
It didnt shocked me why im having a bad day today.
its wednesday, everyone knows what happen to izzie on wednesday.
Oh well. I cant move a feet but my body aches just lying on bed.
There's nothing else to do at home.
And im missing my lessons.
Especially CGeog test which i had revised last night.
Damn i bet this is gonna be a long post.
Prolly my babes are heading to math class now.
Even if i head to scholl,i'll have my disadvantage.
I cant even walk, so i dont even want to think about the stairs.
Yesterday was funny.
Okay guys, you've got your revenge on me for not coming all this while.
Even Sir Andrew, Yes, thanks eh for the 10 laps.
Thats equivalent to a 2 km run ehh.
Did jumping after that and then headed to the pool.
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
that locker, oh that locker.
i still remember your digits.
asked lin if it is okay for me to take your cologne.
She said why not.
The smell of the fragrance reminds me of you.
I miss you.
Great, a text from Aini, math test is next week.
Cmon, now i hafta study on my own.
this is pathetic. really eh.
I miss my babies eh.
Today im mute. I didnt speak since i wake up.
I didnt laugh today. Boring.
Im in my apartment and its so quiet.
And i think the class is enjoying the silence too uhh.
Okay, ajeyyliaooo.
Ey I havent bathe.I havent eat.
But Watching drumline now. -.-
i guess thats what im gonna do today.
Movie marathon alone. Wait, where's Sarah?
Now i have an idea, I'll ask Sarah to comeover later.^^
okayy, ajeyyliaooo.
Sunday, February 15 20:16
Yesterday was just awesome,
Met up with Team members at a block nearby my house,sorry didnt tag-along to clark quey.
They shared stories, its just freaking sad why i cant follow their trip.
Now as a payback, March holidays is occupied for camp.
Met up Arzi and her Arif at her block.
Then met Aunt Lin and Sarah at interchange.
-Reached- , camwhored with; Wan, Awie,Granpapa&mama, Arzi and Sarah.
Pictures will be loaded soon, i dont know when.
Didnt overnight and reached home at 12 going to 1.
Sarah sleptover and she's still here.
Thanks a million Sarah for the advice.
Eventho i asked if you do love me or not, and you said no,
Deep down, i know you love me. (suppose to be funy eh)
Thanks Azwan & Qif fr the flowers.
Thanks Babies for the hugs.
Thanks Ajeyfam for the sweet little things.
Thanks ND for the brownies.
Thanks Cousins for the lovely time.
Thanks people for reading my blog.
Ps; my baby Aini, please cheer up soon.
Pss; i wanna get back on the old days ,when my phone rings and i know it was you.
Friday, February 13 22:33
For the time being,
i removed my password for my blog.
Temporary only eh.
Its gonna rain soon. scary sia!
ps : tutu bite me just now and i knock his shell hard. im sorry
i removed my password for my blog.
Temporary only eh.
Its gonna rain soon. scary sia!
ps : tutu bite me just now and i knock his shell hard. im sorry
19:44
I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies in a fight.
But my friends, my babes,
they're the ones who keep me walking around.
A true friend is a person who is there for you through think and thin.
They don't judge you by the clothes you wear, or the size of your house.
They love you no matter what.
They are a shoulder to cry on, or a partner to laugh with.
They stand by you in your times of need, and listen when you are excited.
They know every little about you.
They stand up for you when others don't.
Best friends hang tough.
They don't come with fragile stickers, and aren't easily scared off...or ticked off.
Best friends help you out whenever they can,
make time for you even when they don't have any,
and trust your friendship enough to say 'no'.
My friends are the cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die, good-times-and-bad-times, borrow-anything, tell-you-everything, trust-you-with-their-deepest-darkest-secrets, always-and-forever-friends types.
They're the greatest clans.
In Conclusion, thank you dearest friends for always being there for me.
Khad, happy 9 years of friendhip.
Nad-Dy, happy 8 years of friendship.
Leesya, Mitchell, Seandy, Reza , Mimi, Rauzan, Razif, Sherlyn, Kathleen,Yusri,Hazif,Isaac,Zul, Yusof, happy 5 years of friendship.
Ein,Wei Ting,Mawar,Nurul,Arvin, happy 4 years friendship.
Shya,Aini,Sob,Amy,Ain,Mary,Wanie, happy 2 years of friendship.
And the rest of the people i know, happy friendship day!
Tuesday, February 10 19:55
im like pissed off with 3 people.i dont want to name those people.
but really guys, grow up.
do i have to define what grow up is for you?
if you say you're not a child anymore,
then stop acting so childish.
this pisses me off, like totally.
FY eh.
piiiiish.
looking at this situation,
one thing that i'd like to say is, stop bullshitting.
apart from that,
today was just okay.
was being random in english class.
Mr Yen keep repeating "Izzie, izzie" for quite a number of times uh.
Gag!
To this friend whom i talked to in class,
i dont want you to be sad.
i hate to see someone emotionally broken down.
i was in your shoes.
but i realise, that no matter how many tears i've shed,
things just wont get any better.
i was a stubborn girl.
i lost trust in myself.
i lost trust with everyone.
i neglected everyone and even my studies.
i break down everyday.
and i wish for my bestfriend to come back.
sometimes, good things comes to an end for better reason.
God is fair. Believe in yourself and have faith.
You shouldnt dwell.
You should be angry, you should be developing a sense of hatred
you should trust yourself.
I realised that when i broke down, it made me a useless person.
It was an obstacle and i failed to pass through it.
I keep falling and no matter how hard i tried to stand back on my feets, i'll fall.
I consume more than enough cancersticks a day because i was so down.
Babe, posting this for you and seeing you cry really made me want to cry too.
But, i didnt want to break down, cause i know, its gonna be hard for me to get back on my feets.
Babe, take your time.
Grive, cry and let everything out.
Yes, It takes time to get back on your feets, i can agree.
But just make sure, you dont loose yourself.
Make sure you know how far you have walked in you life.
I'll always be there for you.
And now, i dedicate this song for you.
You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Monday, February 9 20:50
ass.i almost fall for it,
if leesya is still here,
i swear she'll drive you to your grave and make you beg of me to have mercy.
No, enough is enough.
i had enough of everything and i want to move on.
i dont want to spend my whole life just dwelling on something that has already happen.
Leesya thought me something when she was still here with me.
She thought me perserverence.
She endure through her pain alone.
If this is what leesya felt before she go,
then screw you people who made her life miserable.
Yes, you can say im back on my feets.
Im starting to smile etc, cause one thing that should get up to your brain is,
I realised i have a life and i gotta make sure this life goes on.
Im the painter of my life and my life is like a sheet of paper waiting to be drawn nicely.
I want my piece of paper to be clean, to be neat, to be fancy,
to be something that when someone looks at it, they know what i want.
yes, bloodyfool, im still your SAL.
its just that i dont find any right time for me to head down to training.
I have school.
And my O's, i dont even think i can pass through prelims.
What i want now?
i want you and your little juniors to back off and watch your mouth.
You wont like it if i start this shit.
Who am i ? I am your SAL.
And who are you? You are under me.
If you think you're better than me,
we shall wait for the rest of the team to come back from their trip.
Just make sure youdont cry on your knees.
Your ass is gonna be whacked.
" cow bodow.
Sunday, February 8 16:17
you are my sunshine my only sunshine.
you make me happy when skies are grey.
you never know dear, how much i love you.
please dont take my sunshine away.
see you tomorrow lovelies.
Friday, February 6 20:55
Sazali is my super duper old friend.
We knew each other since 10 years back.
He's birthday is tomorrow and he'll turn 19, gag.
Our family will be going to Clark Quey to have dinner
We call each other baby for no reason and he said he's from my heart -..-
He helped me with blog and carried me around Singapore.
WE count grass when we're bored.
But, he collect ants and i collect dust.
We share the same taste in music and in what we wear.
Sazali is like a peacock.
He's very pretty.
He has a full collection of barbie dolls,which makes him cute.
Everyday, he'll adore himself in the mirror.
He sings in the shower and wear a mini pants for sports and wellness.
He sleeps with a pen tied around his leg.
And he love to skip.
Gag.
He has a fetish on calenders.
He loves being hardcore on the flute.
He wears a shower hat to school and he thinks that all penguins look the same.
Baby is like me.
He do what i do, gag.
Recently, we keep debating about a task i told him to do.
And it's still on 13. not, 14.
Prettybaby, dont be angry on what i post okay. kgo.
ps; this baby uploaded pictures himself and, zhen de, izzie hen feyyyy.
Urgh, tired of waiting for the rest. Take your pick for the pic. Heh. =)
Labels: Sazali.
Thursday, February 5 20:22
im not feeling well.right now, im feeling super dizzy.
i forced myself to school just now.
i really cant afford to miss a lesson now.
okay,i think i wont update much.
really sick.
kepala pusing banget.
by the way, i dont feel sad when im with that ahpek.
i dont know why, dont question me.
Ahmad , take care hor!
must really take care of your nose hor.
okayy, im off.
ps; no more "are you okay", please.
Wednesday, February 4 21:08
i guess i was just hallucinating during dance training.
it couldnt be.
i guess it was just my mind playing some tricks.
probably cause i miss her too much.
Thanks N. for like approaching me in msn.
really, i needed someone to talk to, just that.
but i have some insecurities with others,
and you made me trust you.
You know, i still remember the times we had on tracks.
I miss the old times.
i just had to cry on 3rd level infront my locker.
no one was there, unfortunately, two sec 3 guys saw me crying.
now, wednesday is just like an ordinary day.
no more " hope you're doing okay so far " text.
Why oh why?
Andy, get well soon, i know what happen,
i know where are you now.
i hope you're doing okay.
I cant afford to loose you too.
approximately, 21:50 hrs.
in 1 hours 5 minutes, tutu will be 1 years 3 months old!
yessaaa.
" woah super big uhh " , yes andrian, big ^^, very.
But papa is gonna free him anytime soon ):
I cried the whole night already.
But, i guess tutu is very independent now.
Independent, but i dont think so he'll survive.
Tell me, who in the world feed its pet 6 times a day.
especially when 4 people keep feeding tutu,
Me, Sarah, Dad, Fai.
Gag!
Tutu is so cute and he lightens my day.
Tuesday, February 3 16:11
yes, i was a pig today.
i just had to break down in mother tongue class today.
Mdm Nor Azizah wasnt pleased with me.
Must i really go through all this crap?
Havent i got enough misery?
If i were to follow my heart, i would have walk out of class just now.
But i respect you, lady.
Im left with 1 cancerstick T_T .
I have no expanses for two months now.
Test was a shit.
Okay, correct my mistake,
it was easy but the fact that i didnt study made me think its hard.
Dearest Leesya, i still miss you.
I was praying hard just now, hoping you're listening to me.
I cant tolerate this anymore.
Can i just drink bleach and die?
Everyday, i hope that "today" was last year.
When i go to sleep, i wish i never wake up the next day.
Where are you now?
How are you now?
Where did my light go?
How am i suppose to go through all this without you?
How am i gonna live my everyday without you?
Why must you leave?
Why didnt i hear your iloveyou before you go?
Why? why ? why ?
Are you listening?